The Stuff Of Which Movies Are Made

In talking with a friend this morning who's led a somewhat similar life to mine, (in that she's made her fair share of bad decisions), I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather have a life like mine than a boring one. Let me explain. Yes, I've made some REALLY bad choices. Ones that have cost me seemingly everything. Well, it did cost me everything I knew at that moment in life. Was it pleasant? NO WAY!! It hurt, a lot. Self inflicted wounds are the hardest to bear and take the longest to heal, because there's nowhere to put the blame except on yourself. Then when you accept the blame, you are left with guilt and that is the hardest thing to overcome. Guilt will kill you if you let it. It will ride your shoulders until you are hunched over in a deep shame, afraid to lift your head. I know this all to well. I lived it for many years. But the moment that you realize you are human, just like everyone else, you begin to see the decisions you made, however bad, were based on immaturity, lack of self-respect, etc. And only then can you move beyond what happened and allow it to heal and become a testimony and not the tragedy that defines your life.

I said all of that to bring you here. In all of my bad choices and failures, I think (although I'm sure if faced with those same choices, the outcome would be different) I wouldn't want my life to be boring. With all of the chaos that's been mine, at least I've had a very interesting life. I have experienced the deepest love that I could ever hope to have. I lost him, but at least I know what it feels like to be worshipped by a man that I loved (and still do) and have his whole heart open to me. He brought me the most physical, spiritual, and emotional pleasure I've ever known. I also have known heartache in my life. When I lost my baby on July 29, 2009, my world was devastated. My heart shattered that day, losing her was the worst thing that I'vc ever gone through. I'll never be the same person I was before. I think of her every day. My little Lauren Grace would have been seven and a half years old now and I marvel at what a strong child she would be and I would have taught her to be a strong independent woman as she grew.

I have endured divorce, domestic violence, homelessness, and poverty. But I've also come to gain it all back and MORE.

So in the end, I can say I've had the BEST of times and the WORST of times. But I can also say that I've had a full life. One that has not been a boring, 9-5 existence. I have lived and I have loved. I have worked hard and I have Dreamed Big. And to me that's what life is all about.

If you find yourself barely getting through a day, being tired of where you are in life. Go out and make your dreams come true. Accomplish your goals!! I promise you won't regret it.

Remember to work hard and Dream Big!!

Mu

ch love,

Christy