Snap Judgements

Have any of you ever made a snap judgements about someone or a situation? I have, and it's a terrible thing to do.

Dicitonary.com defines a snap judgement "a hurried or impetuous decision or finding; quick; hasty; without investigating further".

Wow!! I think this is something of which we are all familiar with and probably guilty.

Case in point: this morning while talking to one of my closest friends, she mentioned something about a woman we both know. She knows her better than I do, but I'm fairly familiar with her, as she was a friend of my mom's for years. Anyway, my friend made a statement about the woman and I added what I had been told by someone else.

Suddenly, I felt guilty. So I told my friend that I shouldn't repeat what I had heard because I don't know it to be the truth. It's only what I was told by someone else, who claims to know.

In court, they have something called "hearsay", meaning second hand evidence or rumor. This is true in everyday life as well. In court there is also a "hearsay rule", meaning that the hearsay can't be brought ino a trial because its being offered as fact by a witness who has no direct knowledge of the statement, (yes, I watch a lot of trials, lol). It was only what was told to him or her by someone else. So, the judge rules it inadmissable.

In our lives so many times we try to present "hearsay" as fact, when it really should be inadmissable in our conversations. If we don't know it to be fact, then we don't need to repeat it. We should live by the "hearsay rule". It would improve our lives tremendously if we did.

I learned a valuable lesson this past fall and winter regarding "friends" and "hearsay". I had two people to whom I was very close. Some things took place and our friendship dissolved. There was a third person involved in the disolvement of that friendship who was acting as a go between with us all. She told me some things that had been "said" by my friends that were so hurtful to me that it caused me to cry for weeks. I didn't want to believe her. But I quickly rid my life of the two people who were causing me distress and went on. It came to my attention over the next few months that this person who had initially started the conversation with me was now going back and forth telling this and that. So I ended my friendship with her. Its compicated, I know, but it's wise to cut all ties with toxic people. I have since found out that some of things she said to me were true and some were false. All were being offered as "evidence", but it was just "hearsay". So it became inadmissable in my life. Her witness to me is now tarnished and I will never again believe anything she has to say. Am I saying all of what she told me was a lie? No, in fact most of what she said I have found to be truth. But there was enough lies in there to warrant my cutting her from my life. Now I look at those two individuals with whom I was so close and I wonder really, what parts she said were true and what parts were lies. I'll never know, because I'm not sure if I could ever belive the two I was close to if I asked them.

My point of all this is. Never add anything to a conversation that you don't know to be fact. It can hurt a lot of people and in the end, it will hurt you as well.

We really need to watch our tongues and lips. They are dangerous weapons that can cause a world of harm. I've been lied on, lied to and lied about. I know the hurt that can be done by someone's words. I have lost friends, and had to walk away from those I thought were friends because of "hearsay" and rumors.

So, the next time you feel like saying or adding something, stop yourself and ask, "would this be admissable in court by a judge?" If the answer is no, then don't say it.

AND if you have been told something about someone, for Pete's sake DO NOT go tell the individual. You are only hurting them by doing so. You may think you are helping, but you're not. I was hurt by a piece of false information about myself a few weeks ago. She thought she was doing me a favor by telling me, but she only ended up hurting me. If I don't know the lies being told on me, it doens't hurt me. If I know them, it hurts me because there's nothing I can do about it anyway. I'd rather not know and let God deal with the individual who's doing it, rather than have the burden and worry myself.

I'm not sure where this blog came from and why. It's not my typical uplifting, encouraging words. But for some reason, I felt it necessary to say.

It's time to stop the hurting and start loving and being kind to each other.

Remember to work hard and Dream Big!!

Much love,

Christy