Hold Your Head Up!!

Hold your head up!!

That's the title of my blog and the first line on this pic.

Holding your head up is hard sometimes. A lot harder than most of you think. Holding your head up when those around you beat you down. When the "religious nuts" who think they have a handle on what it means to be a servant of God, sneer at you and speak badly to you. When the ones you worshipped with in the house of God and took communion with, the ones you were friends with and visited their homes, look at you like you're a piece of trash on the sidewalk. Those are the times when it's hard to hold your head up.

But those are the times when you HAVE to hold youcr head up. Those are times that you realize no matter how much they try to put you down, and beneath them in some way, you'll never be that low. Those are the times to remember that you haven't done anything any worse then they have done, they just carry a "self-righteous spirit" and are only fooling themselves. That is when you realize what bad shape they are in spiritually and that is when you fall on your knees and pray for them.

I had someone do that very thing to me today at the store. I was putting away my cart and this woman I used to be friends with, visited her home, and attended church with walked past me. I spoke to her and waved my hand, calling her by name and smiling at her. She looked at me and sneered, barely uttering something that wasn't nice and went on to her car. I wasn't shocked, I mean, it's not the first time it's happened. But I was hurt, I won't lie. My "take care of yourself, defense, survival" mode tried to kick in and I was gonna let her have it. But I didn't. I watched her as she got into her car and left, and I felt sorry for her. I really felt bad for her that she feels the need to treat me badly. It's almost as if I saw her in a whole different light and saw that she is not what she pretends to be. From my understanding, she attends church regularly, she even "preaches" sometimes and she professes to be a Christian woman. But what I saw her display was something entirely different. I saw her being a rude, judgemental, religious, holier than thou, person who obviously doesn't see her own sins. I saw her display, not the love of God that she claims to have in her heart for her fellow man, but the hatred that some in this town still carry for me after many years. I didn't see her show her witness of the risen Savior and His love at all. Nor any fruits of His Spirit, which are love, gentleness, meekness, just to name a few. But rather she displayed some of the characteristics of a Pharisee, in that she looks down on those she feels has sinned, and she glorys in her own "righteousness". Pharisees were very critical of others and were motivated by jealousy and hatred, and do not pratice what they preach. In her today, I saw all of those things among many more and it made me sad for her. Am I judging her? Maybe, but because of how she treated ME. She is judging me based on a sin I committed so long ago. I've moved past it, but for some reason, she and others that she hangs with, can't seem to let it go.

I got to thinking about her and her cohorts that feel the same as she does. Those people pretend in front of others that they "pray for those who sinned" and want them to repent and live a good life. Well, that all sounds really good doesn't it? Except it's not true. You know how I know? Because when I repented and started to live a good life, and great things started happening for me, they got angry. They took on the same spirit as Jonah did when God didn't smite the Ninevites. Jonah would rather see them destroyed than see them repent and turn to God. And that's exactly the mentalitiy of the small-minded people in this small town in which I live. They claim to have the love of God in their hearts but they lie and the truth is not in them. They don't want to see me repent and succeed. They want to see me fail and "pay" for my sins. Newsflash!! I already have. For eight long years, I have continually paid a price for a sin that Jesus already paid at the cross. All I had to do was accept His forgiveness when I asked and go on. The scripture tells me in Romans 8:1 that "there is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit". So if the Word of God tells me that, then who is this hypocrite who presents herself as some example of God's love?

I have no more price to pay. I have the ability through the blood of Jesus and His forgiveness to hold my head up and move on. I can walk through a town of judgemental, "religious" people (who think they have the market cornered on God), and I can smile at them knowing who I am in Christ.

So today, although at first I was somewhat taken aback at her behavior, I more felt sorry for her and her complete lack of understanding that God loves me too. I feel bad that she is fooling herself and I pray that God will allow her to see herself and wake up. It's pitiful to think that someone who has went to church for over forty years, still doesn't get the love of God and His ability to forgive.

I ask that you guys pray for her and her friends that feel that same way she does. I don't hate them. I honestly think they are some of the reason I keep striving to live a better life. It's because I don't want to be like they are. I want to be different. I never want to look down on someone who has sinned, because I'm pretty sure the Bible tells us that we all have sinned.

This blog was VERY different than my usual blog, but I hope it helped someone.

Remember to work hard and Dream Big!!

Much love,

Christy