Words Hurt!!

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Where do I start on this one?

This is a popular children's rhyme dating back to 1862 that was first published in The Christian Recorder as a way to help children deal with being bullied. It tries to pursuade kids from physical retailitation of the taunts.

Well, in theory it sounds really good, and I'm sure that it works for some. But I know from my own personal experience that it takes a LOT more than just reciting this old adage, to overcome the hurt inflicted by people's words.

While it's true that sticks and stones will break your bones, it's also true that words WILL, in fact, hurt you. I have first hand knowledge in dealing with words hurting me.

As a child, I was bullied like EVERY other child in my school, so that, although unpleasant, wasn't the biggest deal in my life (at the time it sure felt as if it was). I was made fun of because of the size of my large eyes, and as a kid, I would try to squint them and make them smaller. LOL. As an adult, I have embraced them because EVERY commercial and magazine tries to make your eyes look bigger. I have found them to be an asset.

I'm not taking away from being bullied as a child at all. I think it's despicable what some of these children to do to other kids. My son was bullied and I know what can happen if it's allowed to go on. I've watched many children be bullied to the point of being suicidal, so I would never diminish childhood bullying. It has to stop and people have to teach their kids that it's the absolute most horrible thing they could ever do to another child.

But for me, as an adult, I've truly suffered far more damage by other adults words than I ever did while I was growing up.

Case in point, the domestic abuse that I endured for five years. The bruises and wounds that were inflicted on me, though visible to others for a while, disappeared in time, usually a week or so. But the words that he spoke to me and over me, stayed with me for many years. And it was only AFTER I was able to get away from him that I began to heal. His words of choice were ones that he knew would do the most harm. He said I was "damaged goods" and that "no one would ever want me" and that I was "lucky that he even wanted me, but he liked projects". He also added every ugly curse word, every degrading word that a women doesn't want to hear, and every demeaning phrase he could in front of his family every chaace he got. Those words on this screen that you're now reading may not seem like a big deal to you, but when you live in that for five years, month after month, day after day, hour after hour, something happens and you just give up and give in to what he says about you. You become what he tells you that you are. You take on that persona that he's convincing you that you are. And then, you start to display that person. If he calls you fat and stupid long enough, you get to the point where you let yourself go and you become fat and you feel stupid. You don't even try to have an intelligent conversaion with him anymore because you don't feel smart enough to even attempt it. You know that any and every word you say will be scrutinized and criticized to the point that you are made to feel as if you don't have a brain cell in your head. You are brought to the point by another's words where you wonder why you even exist.

So don't tell me that words can't hurt you. I KNOW they can. It took me a really long time to get out from under this man's hurtful words and that terrible relationship, so that I could move forward and even TRY to recover from the things he said. But thank God I was able to escape. And yes, I mean escape. Did he hold there with ropes and chains? Not in the sense of physically. But he did hold me with chains in my mind. He had me convinced that NO ONE else would ever want me because I was worthless. So I stayed with him. After all, he said no one would want me and in my mind, it was better to be with someone who wanted me on some days that no one who wanted at all. But THAT is the one lie that they all tell you. An abuser will tell you that so you WON'T leave.

He never loved me, and he never really wanted me there for me. He just wanted someone to be mean to, someone to bully. I've heard that bullies pick on others because they are hurting inside and I do believe that because I know the hurt this man had endured just before I met him. But that is NEVER a reason to bully or pick on or be mean to another human. And it's NEVER an excuse to drag someone down so badly in their mind that they question whether they should even live or not.

I've also endured much hurt by people in my community because of a scandal, but that's a whole different story and I won't go into it now.

So today, if you are saying hurtful things to someone or if you think that words don't hurt. Think twice because they do. They hurt worse than the punch that a grown man packs, I can personally attest to that.

In the last few weeks, I've had several people call me or message me with things that others are saying about me, hurtful things, lies actually. The ones who are telling me these things, I think are convinced that they are helping me in some way. They think they are letting me know so that I can "fix" it all. But they are wrong. I can't fix it. I can't make people stop being mean and I can't make anyone stop lying. So their words, although brought to me in love or me, are only causing more hurt for me.

You've heard the other old saying, "what I don't know won't hurt me". Well, I've found that to be true in my case. If I don't know what's being said about me, then it doesn't bother me. But the minute you tell me, it begins to torment my mind and there's nothing I can do short of going to the person and beating them up. And what good does that do? NONE!! It only leads to more trouble. So please, if you have any juicy information or any gossip that you've heard about me, DO NOT tell me. I really don't want to know. Because it only hurts me if I know, and I think I've suffered enough hurt in my lifetime to last me forever. I love you all and I know you love me, but please no more telling me things. Whatever anyone says about me is between them and God and is really none of my business. They will answer for what they say.

If you see anyone being bullied, especially a child, intervene and put a stop to it. Also, if you have a friend that is being talked about, instead of running and telling that friend, do your best to nip it in the bud and stop it right there.

Sticks and stones will break my bones and words WILL hurt me too.

Remember to work hard and Dream Big!!

Much love,

Christy