The Bridge

THE BRIDGE

He calls to me every night

As if we've met before,

Promising to take me somewhere

I've never been before.

He beckons me

Though I know him not

To come to him

And see what he holds for me.

I'm scared,

I don't know him

I can't.

There's fear in his words,

But he's persistent

And he won't let go of me.

I toss and turn

Trying to get him out of my head.

I writhe in my bed

Trying to find rest for my soul,

There is none to be found here.

But he who calls me

Promises to take me to the place

Where rest is found.

But, I'm scared.

Why do I feel such fear

When you speak to me?

Why do you want me so badly?

What can I give to you?

I lie in the darkness of my room,

Very still

Silence is my only companion.

Then you speak and tell me

What you want.

You want my soul.

You want to take me

To a horrible place

From which there is no escape.

Fear grips me!!

I can't!!

Leave me, please!!

Go!!

I can't meet you tonight

And I pray I never do.

I pray that I never give in

To your request.

I share many things with each of you. I think of you as family and hope you love me no matter how I feel on any given day. So tonight I want to share something with you that I wrote.

Each of you know that whatever I'm dealing with, ends up on a page and this is no different.

This topic is very serious and one that I have wrestled with in even sharing with others. But if there's anyone out there reading this who can benefit from my pain and experience, then it's worth it. Please don't judge me for this. And please know that depression and suicidal thoughts are very real. I have battled them myself. I have overcome them, for now, and I pray that they never return. So for anyone who is feeling alone tonight or hurting so badly that you think there's no other way out, remember that it will pass. I promise. I can't promise that it won't come back, though. But please call someone you trust to talk with you. Call a best friend, a parent, a pastor or priest. Or call the suicide prevention lifeline. I'll include the number: 1-800-273-8255

They are 24 hours a day, confidential help for you in time of need.

Each of you has someone who loves you very much and would hate to lose you, no matter what you think, so reach out.

I wrote this after many months, about a year really of dealing with suicide thoughts. At times, it was almost more than I could handle. I would message my best friend in the middle of the night and ask her help me to NOT go to the bridge. All I could see was a vision of myself climbing up on the ledge and falling forward into the dark, cold river below and drowning. All that was being presented to me was the end of my pain and not the hell that I would face as soon as I took my last breath on earth. I almost went on a few occasions, but thank God that I didn't. Thank God that He was there to stop me. If you don't have anyone to call for help, call out to God. I promise He is always there to help you.

Much love,

Christy