Who I Really Am

As all of you know, I take much pride in the fact that I'm a strong, independent woman who can make it on my own. I love the fact that I don't need a man to take care of me and that I can do it all alone and not have to have anyone in my life.

Well, I have to say that I've come to a place in my life where that's all changed.

I have come to realize that my strength is not my own. I am not independent and I can't make it by myself. And now I have to admit it to all of you as well.

You all know the things I've gone through in life, the good, the bad, and the really, really ugly. The pain and the heartaches seemed at times, to be my only companions. They were with me day and night. I always had my worries and my fears. It seemed as if they never left me. I could count on them to be there.

I look back at my life and in the natural, I wonder how I made it through some of the tragedies that came my way.

I didn't. It was God that brought me through them all.

I was talking to my sweet Pastor Angie the other night about this very topic. I told her that looking back at my life, I can see where God was there the whole time. I was NEVER alone. I can see a thread of Him all throughout my younger years, my teen years, my adulthood and even now. He was there to bring me through the death of my dad, the death of my grandparents, sexual abuse as a child, the death of my mom, the day I was told I had miscarried my baby girl, the bad choices, mistakes, and sins that I should never have committed. He was there when I was being physically abused in that bad relationship. He was there when I was sleeping in a car and wondering when I would eat again. He was there in the courtroom when I had to look at my abuser and tell what he did to me in front of strangers. He was there when I moved back home and had to walk into a store full of people that hated me over something that had nothing to do with them. He has been my defense, my comforter, my rock and my strong tower in every bad situation I've been in. I've never had to fight any of those battles alone.

I am reminded of David in 1 Samuel 17:37. David was about to fight the Philistine, Goliath. Saul offered David his own armor to wear in the battle, but David refused it. He said, "the Lord delivered me out of the paw of the lion and the bear, and He will deliver me out of the hand of the giant." David knew that his help lay in the Lord, not in anything else. He was confident that God would be right there with him when he stepped onto the battlefield.

He was also there for me in my good times as well. The day I learned how to drive my grandpa's gold cart by myself, lol. The day I got my driver's license and thought I was finally a grown up. The day I got married at the very young age of eighteen and thought I could never be happier. The night my son was born and my heart exploded with a love that I'd never felt before. The holidays with family and all of those great things that bring us happiness.

God is right there the whole time. His word tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us and I believe that. He was just as happy to see me smile and laugh as I was.

If you'll take a good look back at your life, good times and bad, I bet you'll see the times where God was right there. Even in the darkest days, when you felt your heart breaking, He was there. You are never alone, even when you're alone. I hope that makes sense. LOL.

Anyway, I wanted to end the blog by saying this. I am strong but only because of His strength (2 Samuel 22:33 God is my strength).

I am not independent at all, I need Him to walk with me and to lean on (Psalm 55:22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord and He shall sustain thee). And lastly, I do need a man to take care of me. I need God. No, He's not a man in the sense that we think, but He is a Father to me. I never had a father growing up, but He is my Father and He takes care of me (Psalm 27:10 When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up).

So you see, I'm nothing in myself. It's all about God. I am not strong in myself. I'm not independent outside of Him, and I can't make it on my own. I NEED God. We all do.

I hope this has been encouraging to you tonight. Now to get some rest for me. I have a very busy couple of weeks coming up. Beginning tomorrow, I'm leaving town for a few days.

I have been invited to participate in the Local Author's Celebration in Galax, VA on Thursday and I'm really looking forward to seeing all of my friends from there. Then I have meetings in NC and possibly looking at houses in Nags Head this weekend. My dream come true. Then off to TN. So I'll need traveling prayers, please. Goodnight for now.

Remember to work hard and Dream Big!!

Much love,

Christy