Random Thoughts

Today's blog is not going to be any kind of story, or analogy or parable. It's just a bunch of random thoughts all mixed up for a "potluck" post.

Sometimes I open up on here and get raw and real. I show my vulnerable side and allow you to see my heart laid open. This may turn out to be one of those moments, lol.

Each day when I get up, I have a song in my heart for God, and when I lay down at night I have praise in my heart. But every now and then, there are moments where I don't feel all sunshine and rainbows like I usually do; like today, for instance.

I had a really bad dream this morning before I woke up and it seemed so real that I was shaking when I opened my eyes. The dream won't leave me. It's crossed my mind all day so far. I don't know if it was a dream from God to pray for a particular individual or a dream from Satan to aggravate me. All I know is that it's weighed on my mind all day, so I've prayed for this person and tried to leave it alone.

I was telling Pastor Angie the other day that sometimes because I blog such positive messages all the time, I feel that I have to be this radiant person with beaming rays of light coming out of my ears, otherwise, I feel like I'm not doing something right. And even though I believe everything I tell you and I try my best to live by it each day, there are just some days where my ability to cheer others on seems nonexistent. I think I've misplaced my pom poms, lol.

There's nothing, in particular, that's really bothering me. I don't feel there's a big sin that I've committed or I don't feel farther away from God, but I just feel blah. I think it's all the work that I'm doing lately. Along with everything else I already had on my plate, I have a new ghostwriting job, I have two books of my own that I'm working on, my company is taking on one new client, possibly two by next week, and I tend to my website each day. Not to mention all of the normal things life has in store when you wake up, like a home, bills, phone calls, etc. Plus dealing with those who don't understand the change God has made in my life. There are some who are angry that I've changed literary genres and say mean things about it all. That's not pleasant.

Try talking to someone who doesn't understand the whole concept of God in the first place and then try and make them understand why you feel you can't live in both worlds. They don't see anything wrong with adult/erotica to begin with so it's not the easiest thing to try and explain your belief about it all but I try my best to tell them what happened with me.

So what's a girl to do?

I can tell you what this girl does.

I open my Bible and encourage myself in the Lord just like David did.

I was reading in 1 Samuel 30 the other day about how David returned to his city Ziklag and found that it had been destroyed and burned by the Amalekites. They had taken the women and children and there was talk of stoning David. Can you imagine how horrible?

Talk about a bad day!!

I read how David and the men all cried and wept until they had no tears left, "no more power to weep".

David had to take it upon himself to encourage himself. He thought about God's goodness, his ability to exact justice on those who have hurt them and about God's provisions in his life. Just thinking about God and who He is was enough to bring David out of his feelings of despair and cause him to go and take back what had been stolen from him.

That's what I try to do each time I get a little discouraged. I've never had my city burned down or anything of that nature, but when it seems life is more than I can handle or my to-do list has more items on it than are hours in a day and people are wanting my help for free that frankly they can do themselves, I turn everything off and sit quietly with my thoughts of God's goodness. I read His Word and allow it to soak into my spirit and mind. Only then do I have thebstrength to continue the fight each day.

Life can be overwhelming some days, I don't care what you do for a living. If you have a house full of kids or none at all if you work an 80 hour a week job or if you only work part-time, there will be things that are thrown at you to get you down.

You just have to see it for what it is and deal with it using the Word of God. There is an answer in the Bible for EVERY problem that you face. No matter what it is, God has a solution for it.

One more thing before I go. As I was writing the part where David and his men cried, I remembered something that happened to me. The other night, I was hurt deeply by someone. And when I say deeply, I mean what happened to me, cut me to the heart.

I'm used to things being said by the usual suspects and I let that stuff go, but when it's someone that you don't expect, it can hurt pretty bad. I wanted to cry with everything in me. I could feel it coming up in my eyes and my throat. But I wouldn't allow it. I told God that I wouldn't cry because tough soldiers in God's army don't cry. I messaged a friend and asked her about it and she read the message but for some reason didn't respond at all. I had no idea what to do. I tried with everything in me to hold it back because I didn't want to disappoint God. But suddenly the tears burst forth and I cried and poured my heart out to Him.

I had forgotten about reading that passage the week before about David and his men crying. So I realize now that it's okay to cry. God made us that way. He gave us tear ducts for some reason, lol. I know that when I cried and asked for His help with the situation, He came through immediately afterward.

I do want to be a good soldier in God's army, but I think it's okay to cry sometimes as long as we take our problem to Him and then encourage ourselves with His Word.

This blog was not planned out with an idea or an outline like some of them are. It was just me typing as I thought. So forgive me if I rambled and made no sense, lol. It made sense as I typed it and I hope it helps someone.

I just wanted you guys to know that even though I try to stay super positive each day, there are days that I feel overwhelmed too. And that's okay, as long as I find my strength and comfort in God.

This may be the last blog until next week. I'm leaving town tomorrow and won't be able to blog again for a few days. Also, I know I said I'd release the first chapter of my new book this week and I'll try my best to get that out tonight maybe. I don't know. I have a billion things to do, but I'll try. If not, then next week.

Remember to work hard and Dream Big!!

Much love,

Christy